It's all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.
the damn ring.
"I give you this ring as a token of my love and affection, blah blah blah..."
The wedding ring. Currently a HUGE sticking point in our marriage.
See, for those that don't know, the opinions I heard on marriage from my wife went like this, over time:
"I am never getting married"
That last comment led to the following conversation:
"So we're really going to get married."
End of conversation.
She said she'd wear it, and I expect her to wear it.
Now I know some of you are saying to yourself, "Why in the hell is he making such a bigass deal of this? Its just a ring."
No, its not just a ring. I didn't buy it one day as a basic gift for her to wear. It is her wedding ring. Wedding rings are meant to be worn.
Call me a traditionalist, but in a perfect world, you get married once. You only get one choice of who you want to add to that group known as "your immediate family". Everyone else you're either born with or you make - ideally with the person you're married to.
That's the way it works and that way its worked for... oh, a good long while, at least. I know they probably didn't do the rings 4,000 years ago. I'm a sentimental romantic, not an idiot.
Somewhere along the line someone came up with the idea that "Oooh... Rings are a male symbol meant to show ownership of the woman. They're representative of the ring they would put in cattle's noses to lead them around with. Wedding rings are bad."
I'll tell you why, because there's a reason you buy a SET of wedding rings. Each person gets one. They symbolize the fact that you finally found the person that you want to make "Immediate Family". You found the person that is more important to you than anything else on the planet, that you would put yourself in bodily harm for, that makes you happy for no reason other than they exist.
Wearing your ring is a constant reminder of that, and I look at my ring about a hundred times a day and think of how lucky I am to have my wife. It tells everyone else on the planet, "This is the reason my life will never be empty."
It shows and is a constant reminder that we are a WE, not a couple of "I"s just hanging out.
Call me a traditionalist, but people wear their rings because they LIKE being married. It shows "Yeah, I'm married and happy because of it." Not wearing wearing your ring tells me your opinion is, "Yeah, I married somebody, whatever."
That's why it bothers me when she doesn't wear it all the time.
That's why it bothers me that instead of just wearing the fucking thing she complains that she's not used to it, (you're never going to get used to it if you don't wear it.),
Or that she was doing something and she didn't want to mess it up, (see, the reason they make rings of non-ferrous, malleable metals is BECAUSE THEY'RE NON-FERROUS AND MALLEABLE. It's not going to rust, and you can bend them back into shape. I'd rather you bent and dinged it than not wear it. I'd be happy to buy another one for that reason)
Then she forgets to put the thing back on and leaves it somewhere.
Surprisingly enough, this makes me a bit upset. Nothing says "Yeah, I got married, whatever." with more conviction than leaving your wedding ring somewhere and then trying to play it off as not that big of a deal to your spouce whom you know considers it to be an enormous deal or he WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN SO FUCKING PISSED OFF AT YOU THE LAST TIME, especially after they've told you a million times that What they see you saying is:
Yeah, I am a traditionalist in a lot of ways. Married People wear their rings. Married people that don't give a damn about the person they're married to don't wear their rings.
Pretty easy rule to understand. You wanna tell me you don't care, don't wear your ring. Give me doubts, that's nice. Give me a reason to remember all the fucked up stuff that was said in the past, that's good. Give me a reason to start thinking in circles about shit that I shouldn't be concerned with. Excellent.
That's a recipe for marital bliss if I've ever heard one.
I know it's a traditional and non hip and all that stuff, and I know a lot of you out there disagree with me. I really don't give a goddamn.
Unless you're the person I put the ring on.
11 Feb 00
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