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Webstuff by SlappyJack, Ver 2.0 is comin!

Its the new Logo!  Yea!

...before I get to explaining this whole flimflam mess, take a gander at THIS:

yes, she did. Oh yes, I got Brut.

I couldn't get it to scan, but here's a sample from:

The History of BRUT


Brut's success continues as the American soceity of Perfumers has awarded Brut the 1998 Perfumer's Choice Award in the category of Men's Classic Fragrance.

Today, men around the world wear the time-honored scent of Brut


..since I know you're wondering "Why the fuck is he telling us this?"...
  1. I will be wearing the fine scent of Brut tonight to welcome in the dawning of the new Millenium

    (for all of you obnoxious fuckers that are now looking for the email link to say "nooooo... the Milennium don't start 'till 2001" - don't do it, and KISS MY MOTHERFUCKING ASS YOU PRETENTIOUS COCKSUCKERS)

  2. This is my site and I'm going to type whatever the fuck I feel like on it. To the few that emailed me that my site is now lame because I don't have my edge amymore, YOU MAY ALSO PUCKER THE FUCK UP AND GIVE MY ASS A BIG MILLENNIUM SIZED SMOOCH. HOW'S THIS FOR "MY EDGE"????

    THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING THOUGHT

But to get on with the update...

So I've had a week off to think about things and tinker with a redesign. I think I'm going to fall victim to the evil of frames and use them, but you may not even notice, and I think the general look is going to be similar to this with the colors and shit. Im also moving to a bit of dynamic shit using PHP and working on my scripting a bit. I've also decided to move to modern times and start playing with CSS and Layering, moving my ass into the realms of HTML 4.0, even if the assholes at both AOHell and Microsnot have managed to keep this from becoming a real standard yet.

Thanks, you monkeys. I hope the new millennium holds bankrupcy and total ruin for you both.

This means that I'm not going to be writing so much for now, but I'll find something to get me in the groove eventually. I'm ong to start half-assedly implementing my changes and let the site grow as I see fit, so you kida will see redesign in action.

I think I'm going to officially add "Brut Green" to my palette. If you like the logo or have any ideas on what you want to see, lemme know.

I think one thing I'm going to do is implement an infinite looping of new windows with my site in it so you can never get away, like the porn sites do...


I guess I should write a little about the Milleniuim, since it changes in less than 5 hours local now...

The networks are jerking off all over themselves to turn this whole thing into a big media event and all I'm seeing is

  1. The world is not falling apart as far as I can see so far, though they're hoping for something to be considered "news" to happen.

  2. Though PBS is kicking all of their asses by just SHOWING THE CRAP in each time zone AS IT HAPPENS and having some mellow commentator say interesting and informational and insightful things...

  3. I cannot pull my loser ass away from MTV's stupidass "Top 99 of 99"

  4. There are roughly 2.5 million people in Times Square right now, having "the time of their lives". They will all go back to their little tiny suburbs and prison towns and tell wild stories to their friends who weren't there of wild drinking, massive coolass fisticuffs, wanton destruction, and random fellatio being given freely by model-caliber women on every streetcorner.

  5. There is nowhere near enough mention of taking stock in the lives of you, me, and everyone else and thinking "Have we done one goddamn thing right so far?"

And since NO millennium update is wirth a damn without them:

My Predictions for 2000
...in no particular order...
  • Of the 2.5 million people mentioned above telling stories, 100% of them will be 100% full of shit. The cool people that have cool shit happen top them either keep their fucking mouths shut about it or are saving it for their websites...

  • America OnLine will keep "making the easiest just get easier" to the point that they will finally become another Cable Channel and we will no longer be subjedted to moronic emails from their subscribers.

  • I will turn my wife into a coder, as well as ChrisFoleyNumberOne. This is the first step to getting everyone on the same page and causing less annoyance for myself.

    my Mother, of course, will never get it.

  • The population of the United States will amaze everyone by becoming far stupider and more belligerent than anyone could ever imagine. This will cause what will be later referred to as "The Great Immigration of '04" in Canada.

  • 'N Sync, 98 Degrees, and the Backstreet Boys will all still suck sweaty ass.

  • Mariah Carrey, janine Agguillerialliara and all of house other annoying oversinging chicks will be Referred to as divas, but they never really will be. This will cause an incredibly inflated imbalance in the USA-Euro Diva ratings.

  • 311, The Beasties, and RunDMC will all keep kicking ass, until they get old or die.

  • My Wife, of course, will wear underwear as clothing for this entire evening...

  • I. WILL. QUIT. SMOKING.

  • I will teach ChrisFoleyNumberOne that his "english accent" is too crappy to do in public, let alone in front of actual English People.

  • I will NOT learn to type or spell properly, so screw all of you.

The only other thing tha I had to tell you about was my most annoying gift of the holiday season was my $100 gift certificate to the FUCKING GAP from my wife.

HOWEVER...

My friend Shadee Ardalan accepted my plea for help to pick out said clothes, which I despise doing. she said "Sure, I'll tell you when to meet me there"

she told me, I was still 10 minutes late.

She saw me, walked up, and said "Your dressing room is ready."

I thought she was joking.

We went to this dressing room and she had some GAP flunky unlock one of the dressing rooms and there were neat little piles of clothes in there and I was mixed and matched and J was an extra $215 lighter and we were out ther door in 35 minutes.

I shit you not. it was my least painless clothing purchasing ever.

If you're a single guy in San Francisco email me, and i'll get you in touch with Shadee and she'll hook you up - I don't know her hourly consulting fee, but it wont take too long.

BTW, she's single and hot and a fantastic cook, too.

Allright. I gotta get the hell out of here and get to drinking.

Happy Millennium to you all.

I'll see ya next year hyuk hyuk....

Slap Out

31 Dec 99

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