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variuos bitching.

So my server is down for reasons unbeknownst to me, and I cant post live, but thats ok. The Real World Stream of Thought is gonna be late, too, and that's NOT ok.

I've come to the decision that I'm going to move in 3 months to San Francisco. There are reasons that some of you know about (great amazing reasons, though my life is now full of happenings like this), and then there are the reasons that this is a pretty good goddamn place to go if you wanna do webstuff professionally. [I realize that some of you that read this are now slapping yourselves directly in the forehead - relax.]

It's brought on some things that are going to be affected by the move...

email Mini Rants & Ramblings for the week:

I've been recently whored out to another company to do admin work for them. I show up my first day there in standard workwear, shorts and a shirt (with a collar, even!). Things go well, I see the project is far easier than I think it was going to be.

The next day an email comes in saying they want me to "observe the company dress code" and wear Pants of some sort.

My answer when my boss shows me this: "If they wanted someone to dress nicely, THEY SHOULD HAVE MAYBE CRACKED OPEN THE WALLET AND FUCKING HIRE SOMEONE, CHEAP BASTARDS."
He then asks why I'm so against it: "Because its SUMMERTIME, and I LIVE IN DENVER, and the temperature AVERAGES NINETY THREE FUCKING DEGREES about now, and BEING THAT I'M A GREASY DAGO I start to SWEAT MY ASS OFF, which makes me MORE IRRITABLE THAT I USUALLY AM."

It didn't do me any good, I still have to wear the goddamn pants. I feel less guilty about emailing Budha all day long, tho.

I swore I wasn't going to say anything online about it, but after 10 days of irritating-ass coverage, I must say my piece:

I thought that, 220-some-odd years ago, We as a country kicked out the Brits because WE WERE SICK OF GIVING ALL OUR MONEY TO SPECIAL FAVORS FOR ROYALTY.

Say my buddy, who's a private pilot, crashed his ass out in the ocean with his family. How much news coverage would he get? How much effort would go into the search? How much of our tax dollars would go towards throwing his now just ashes ass back into the water we spent god-knows-how-much to pull his dead ass out of?

Would you EXPECT that effort to go into it? No, but apparently someone did. Someone living fat on the government budget - which they're trying to fuck up again - in fact. Time to get the angry vote out next time around, kiddies.

Now if only we could get to vote on TV News too, and get rid of most of those assholes.

Kiss my ass, Katie Couric.

More Client stuff...

I deal directly with the clients users. Three months, kiddies. Thats what I keep looking forward to.

Never again will I hear "My email doesn't work. YOU fix it." Generally I gladly do this, because it:

A) Requires only 3 minutes of my time and I can charge a half-hour for it, which gives me roughly 27 minutes to go fuck off and smoke a cigarette or email Budha or get caught up or do something fun.

B) Really enjoy sticking it to someone who has fucked up email because they like to trade 2 megabyte avis of monkeys sniffing their asses and beating the shit out of my servers with it.

C) Gives me a chance to look really technically powerful to these folks, and they realize that they're mere users and should be in fear of my supreme sysadmin power.

Then I get calls like this: "I cant get my email"

"What did you do to it"

I say it like that because I KNOW they touched something they shouldn't have. It worked yesterday, and it still works for everyone else, and I haven't LOOKED at that server in three days, much less changed anything.

"Well i think I had a problem and I started changing stuff..."

"What did you change?"

"I don't know, but my email is important, so fix it for me."

Now I have 2 hours of trying to fuck with settings and fuck with everything else and try the goddamn thing from my own personal box to make sure its not me. And its not. what the fuck.

Its still not fixed, and I haven't broken anything, so stop fucking calling me. Learn how to use your goddamn machine or keep your fucking hands out of the settings if you aren't going to remember what the hell you did. I'm the sysadmin, not your personal computing whore, so don't get indignant with me when I can't figure out how you fucked shit up over the phone.

Thats as far as I'm going to take this for now. I think I got my point across. Three months - no more.

I can never see Buffy the Vampire Slayer ever again without think of that skinny chick talking about how " time, at band camp, I stuck my flute in my pussy!" Wotta great career move...

I don't care what any of you say - that is the living essence of high comedy.

I put a new battery in my pager today. So I'm not one of those "annoying pager guys", I leave the sound off. The only problem with that - on a fresh battery, the pager vibrates just about enough to dislocate your hip.

Three months - gone. No more leash.

I still haven't told my parents I'm moving yet, or why I'm doing so. I'm half expecting a lecture, but I have some good job news to go along with it, so maybe they'll forget about worrying and just be excited.

In addition to the new entry in the "plastic" sidebar, I threw money straight into the toilet and bought the Soundtrack for South Park, bigger, longer, and uncut. I bought it so I could listen to Uncle Fucka as often as I could, but I instead found the new greatest song ever: "What would Brian Boitano Do?" by Trey Parker's band. It rocks. Buy it.

My fucking server is STILL down. Shit. May be a late update for ol' Slap, but I appreciate your waiting patiently...

Slap out.

27 Jul 99

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