Goddamnit, I'd piss on a spark plug if I thought it'd do any good!
Its been a bigass movie-type week for ol' Slap. I finally got my crack outta the sack (a favorite saying from the upstate New York morning circuses of radio days past) went and knocked a couple of picks off the list.
Kicking off the weekend was a viewing of American Pie. Not a bad little film. Not Citizen Kane but pretty fucking funny.
Not a lot to say about it, but I got what I thought I was gonna get. Actually, I got a little more...
REASON TO SEE THE FILM:
Of course, there were the requisite throngs of underage kids there, not getting the focus of most of it, but enjoying the swearing and the titties. I swear I heard a 4 year old in there, it must be more important to save six bucks on a babysitter than to maybe have your kid being warped by the Hollywood money-sucking dumb-down machine before they get to the elementary school they wil probably drop out of...
This, of course didn't bother me as much as actually GETTIN IN to the theatre, which went like this:
Hey, one to see American Pie, please
Seventeen Year-Old Highly-Trained Theater Personnel Chewing Gum:
How old are you?
How OLD are YOU?
Uh, i'm gonna be 30 in a month
Apparently the program to crack down on underage moviegoers was put into place immediatrely before I walked to the goddamn ticket window. Guys, i like the idea of keeping kids from seeing peoples heads getting blown off and from witnessing cheap actors having cheaper sex seventeen thousand times before they graduate from High School, but for fuck's SAKE.
The only reason i can think of them doing this? They've finally realised that after raising ticket prices to eight dollars and popcorn to five bucks (but yu get free refills!) , they no longer need to let the little bastards in to make their money.
So why do I go to the movies anymore?
I'm not going to say much about it. Go see it. Movies dont normally scare me or freak me out or anything. This did. It gave me a raging case of the heebie-jeebies for about an hour. Good story, asthetically pleasing, no hollywood assholes had their fingers in it - you can tell. It was worth every jeebie it gave me.
REASON TO SEE THE FILM:
Just go fucking see the film. You'll be glad you did.
once you get rid of them heebie-jeebies.
20 Jul 99
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