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why i do this,
and how you get here.

I first put up the first incarnation of "Webstuff by Slappyjack" about two years ago. To put it completely frankly - the thing sicked a big fat one. Bad graphics, no content, nothing. I was doing it to learn and that was good enough for me.

After I thought I know a little more I put up the second iteration - still not much in the way of content, a few rants, mostly a piss-opoor attempt at "getting found online" and finding a gig where I coule get paid to learn something about HTML.

Then, while goofing off during the low point in my life known as "tech support", I found a few sites: Bonnie Burton's grrl.com, Miss Melty (now Buff Melty), and a few other webjournals that were really kickass. Lotsa content, nice design, plenty of stuff to keep you there and coming back for more.

This took place (as far as I know) before everybody and their prepubescent sister put up online an diary full of trite crap that are about as interesting as watching rhinos copulating in with a telephoto lens. These people had agendas. They had views and were putting them in your face and you read them at your peril. Some of them were merely out there to be funny, but they did what they did fairly well and you didn't just go back to see if Betty and Bobby stayed broken up.

So along came WbS, ver 3.0. Being my Father's son, i figured my opinions are just as valid as everyone else's (even though most of theirs are incorrect) and I needed to be heard. (read. whatever. Fuck you.)

This site is all about being selfish and telling you what I think. I want readers and lots of 'em. i don't want to be cool. i don't want to make money. i want to be out there.

So, i read the logs. a lot.

After reading raw weblogs for a little bit you get to learn what they mean, especially the referrer section of an entry. Youi see where paople are coming from and in the case of search engines, what they were looking for to get here.

A few things I've learned from this:
1. There are a lot of sick fuckers out there.

Ladies and gentlemen:
The Porn Searches

these really are actual search queries...
  • "how to have more sex with my wife" -
    the fact that he chose my site to look for this advice shows his total lack of clue
  • pic's of people making love -
    apparently someone looking for something less disgusting than just "people fucking"
  • women who really love there pets -
    not to be confused with the women who love the pets that are here
  • for guys who like to jack off and tell you -
    we have a 12 step program for that
  • I watch my brother jack off -
    very good, sir, can i assume you will be hosting the family reunion again this year?
  • fuking suck sex girles women men guy -
    i thought this was bad enough...
  • sex puppy cock naked xxx -
    untill i found they guy who is apparently into puppies...
  • big dig hairy -
    i didn't know you could even "dig hairy" let alone do it big
some people, however, are more specific in their pornography tastes:

There are the slappers,

  • slap wife
  • bitch slap
  • ball slap
lovers of the semi-exotic,
  • "ex girlfriends"
  • african girlfriend
  • story jerk
and the just plain unimaginative:
  • bent dick
  • THE STORY OF DICK -
    Wm. Shakesmyspear
but the winner for
MOST DEPRAVED PORN SEARCH
and
PROTECTOR OF CHILDREN

goes to:
  • teletubbies porn

not all sickos are porn oriented, though...

  • assholes -
    oh if I had a dollar for every one of these...
  • dead assholes -
    i'd give it back to see one of these.
  • gassy jack -
    apparently someone who has been to
    "Ye olde Haus of Bratwurst" with me.

monkeys, they're so cute -
who wouldn't search for them?

  • You sick monkey
  • sick little monkey
  • little monkey

and, of course, lets not forget the Soceity for Scatological Studies...

  • rabbit poop
  • pampers poop
  • poop

2. I'm apparently not the only annoyed person out there:

  • I hate this fucking place
  • pissed off
  • tech support hell

3. There will always be those out there without a clue

  • things you didnt know -
    if i didn't know them, how could i let you in on the secret?
    moron.
  • "fun facts to know" -
    you're a freaking moron. there's a fun fact for you.
    asshole.
  • me is somehitng -
    good for you, now stop eating the other kid's paste.
  • "Find me a Job" -
    i got one for you "AOL Guide"
  • the clog page offline -
    the joke just writes itself sometimes...
  • me skinny -
    join the fucking club. got any MEGA-
    GAIN?
  • where can i find free webstuff -
    nice to see people putting forth the effort to put new content on the Web
  • cool handles -
    plumbing?

Then I find out that I'm starting to get anonymous links. To rip off Big Empire, I'm going to call them "SlappyJack Buddies":

http://www.spinteractive.com/david/sheena/
http://web.wt.net/~kimhandy/
http://members.tripod.com/~tdcharron/journal.htm
http://aphelion.tao.ca/800600/ (this was dead when I checked it, but I might as well give the webspiders something to waste their time on)

Then I found out that I'm high up on the Webring chain! 12th most active this week, barely behind buggie!

WooHoo! I beat out all them depressed freshman Drama Students!

then I came to the realization:

the reason y'all read me so much:

i swear a lot.

crap.

Slap out.

15 Feb 98

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