Your Mom is so fat, the recursive function
computing her fatness causes a stack overflow.
[ bio ]
[ rants ]
[ media ]
[ buy crap ]
[ postcards ]
[ login ]
[ bad photography ]
[ kiss my ass ]
[ sidebar ]
[ other ]
[ email ]

fighting the important battles.

I was going to follow up my last rant on net kooks with a little commentary on what pulls up my page in search engines, but I was presented with a topic that I'd have to be stoned to pass up...

Real Life Kooks

Like its a really big surprise, the Moral Majority once again seemingly went above and beyond the call of duty to make themselves look like complete backass inbred uneducated assholes. Prominent bible-thumping fatboy Jerry Falwell has claimed to found the scourge of homosexuality in the moronically entertaining kid's show Teletubbies. Apparently, them Godless little non-breeding window dressers are pushing the recruiting drive to even the youngest of us breeders...

A blurb from a Reuters/Variety story, run on Yahoo news (no, I'm not going to fucking link them, they get enough hits...)

"...Falwell unmasked Tinky Winky in the current issue of his monthly magazine National Liberty Journal. "The character, whose voice is obviously that of a boy, has been found carrying a red purse in many episodes and has become a favorite character among gay groups worldwide" it said.

Further evidence cited included the fact that the androgynous Tinky Winky is purple -- the gay pride color, and the antenna on his head is shaped like a triangle -- the gay pride symbol.

"These subtle depictions are no doubt intentional, and parents are warned to be alert to these elements of the series" the magazine said.

Falwell did not address the sexual proclivities of La La, Po, and Dipsy who are equally shapeless yellow, red and green characters with squiggly antennae and television screens set into their tummies

Interesting enough, a PR person from Teletubbies producers came out and said "It's not a purse, he's carrying a Magic Bag"

They, too, get a big raspberry for even replying to the comment. If they had any balls whatsoever they'd do an episode where Tinky Winky goes to the bar and comes home to lay the pipe to them twins from "Sister Sister" (hit show of the Dubba-dubba-fucking WB's let's employ all the minority actors lineup) while the other three are showing live coverage of it to a whitewashed Baptist Church on their "bellies".

before you start emailing me to call me the spawn if SATAN (actually, go ahead and email me, I'll wait...)

I have nothing against THE LAWRD, or organized religion , or even Baptist faith. Your faith is your faith and so long as you keep it out of my pants more power to you, but to find homosexual innuendo in the fucking TELETUBBIES? (now if they were talking about that guy from Sigmund and the Sea Monsters, they'd at least be on track)

As I think about it, I picture Jerry Falwell getting together with Pat Robertson, Jimmy Swaggart, and my personal favorite Richard Tilton - and they sit there watching episodes of Teletubbies looking at it frame by frame trying to catch Tinky Winky touching his crotch or maybe being a little to salacious when he pats Po on the Head or maybe a belly-bump that lingers just a bit too long...

They're just f l a b b e r g h a s t e d by the 23 minutes of non-stop toddler orgy that goes on, all overlooked by the pagan flaming baby-head Sun God - a blatant allusion to the Aztec Mythos and its bloody Human sacrifices.

Of course, they're doing all this while sitting in Jerry's multi-million dollar tax-free home, sipping 12 year old Scotch and waitihg for the private jet to fly them to Nevada for the Evangelist convention, hosted for the 12th year in a row at the World-Famous Chicken Ranch.

Jerry prefers the young aryan girls from what I understand...

In other news, I also read today that the republicans are going to investigate kenneth Starr now. Apparently trying to win back voters who are pissed off about Starr tossing so much of our money in the shitter by throwing more money into the same shitter so they can officially say "We didn't know he was doing this! We told him to keep it to the $50 a day retainer! IT ISN'T OUR FAULT!"


Vote 'em all out. Pick the next Congress by pulling names out of a fucking Phone Book.

How much worse could it be?

Slap out.

10 Feb 98

0 comments [ add ]

[ semi-permalink ]  


Postcard for You!

Click It! Send It!

Go Here: Best Error Page Ever

Read This: Idoru
    William Gibson

net kooks
why i do this, and how you get here.

all original writing and graphics, unless otherwise noted,
Copyright © 1997-2018 Webstuff by SlappyJack. All Rights Reserved
Your Mom told you not to steal, so piss off. - Est. 1998
[ GeoURL | Legal ]
[ Bullshit RSS | FanList | SpamList ]
Modwest, brave host of Modwest, brave host of