SlappyJack.com
Your Mom is so fat, the recursive function
computing her fatness causes a stack overflow.
[ bio ]
[ rants ]
[ media ]
[ buy crap ]
[ postcards ]
[ login ]
[ bad photography ]
[ kiss my ass ]
[ sidebar ]
[ other ]
[ email ]

 
net kooks

Pic o' Slap In this land we jack into known as "cyberspace", where "newbies" are plentiful and "hackers" are feared...

Ok, Mr. Media. like you have a fucking clue about being online, you talking head.

We have another segment the media doesn't talk about. They're probably the most underappreciated group of "Netizen" out there. Those of you that don't have a clue as to what I'm speaking of, we like to call them "Kooks".

These are the guys that usually stick to newsgroups and spout zany little tirades about the New World order and how aliens live underneath DIA in tunnels and keep human slaves, but since the corporate greed-machine decided that they can make a lot of money online and for that they needed their media cousins to generate the hype telling everyone that they need to "Keep up with the Jounces" and get online as soon as possible, we now have millions of people buying machines with more computing power than the Space Shuttle and getting online to check their stocks, occasionally look at a little porn when the wife ain't lookin', and keep alive those awful oft-forwarded jokes that tie up bandwidth that you could be using to download important stuff like this webpage.

On occasion one of these people get a little crazy and decide see what else is out there besides the pasteurized crap corporate america decided they should see and start typing things into search engines, clicking on the links and getting totally flabbergasted by what horrors they find.

One such man, I think, is Dale. I haven't the slightest idea where he came from and why he thinks I don't like the military. After my reply he stopped communication, so I don't know a damn think about him. I tried to search him out in places like DejaNews, but could find nary a peep from him.

here's his letter:

------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Your have an attitude problem mister
   Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1999 20:01:47 -0600
   From: "Dale" 
     To: 

Hey Slap Happy,
 
What is wrong with the military?  I think you should join.  It would 
knock that shitty attitude right out of you! Rant on this bee-ach!
 
Thanks,
 
Dale Wilowkowowski
------------------------------------------------------------
or course, I just had to reply...
------------------------------------------------------------
     Subject:  Sir, I have no problem with my attitude, sir!
        Date:  Sat, 23 Jan 1999 10:52:14 -0700
        From:  SlappyJack 
Organization:  Webstuff by SlappyJack
          To:  Dale 

A) Thanks for reading my page - how'd you get there?
B) I don't remember slamming the military on my page, to be honest.
   where was it?
C) I happen the military is a good thing and everyone should do two
   years..
D) I was in the Army Reserves, did paperwork, but have a great 
   appreciation for the Combat Arms folks.  Trained at FJSC.
E) but thanks for reading my page anyway.

> Thanks,

no, thank you.

-SlappyJack 
------------------------------------------------------------

I put Dale's email in here so all you kind Slappy-Fans could give him a big hug.

Go on, say hello. I wanna know what the hell this guy is all about.


In addition to the kooks we have those awful SPAMMERS. The scourge of the internet, those that make AOL's Good-luck totem forwarding freaks look like stalwart and upstanding Netizens.

I try to keep myself relatively isolated from them, not leaving my email address laying all over the web, masking posts in newsgroups, etc, etc, but a few of these vile scum soulless fucks find me and I get things like this little gem.

NOTE: You need to use your "back" button to get back to here from these next few text files. Can you manage that, spanky?
Of course, not wanting to let this slide, I replied in kind.

I should have known better, because I was immediately autoresponded THIS piece of shite.

If you hadn't read them yet, please do. Then get the most revolting postcard you can find, and I'm talking about disgusting (tattooed cats, naked thousand pound people, fecalphiliacs shitting into each others various surfaces, wolverines humping decomposed caribou, photos of Ronald Reagan, anything); and send them to:

Mrs. Shahnaz Miripour
8171 YONGE STREET
SUITE 287
THORNHILL, ONTARIO, L3T 2C6
CANADA
If anyone can find her phone number or real email address, I'd love to post that up here, too.

Tell her how much you loved her spam, tell her she's a dirty net-abusing whore, tell her anything you want. Let's see if we can rattle her cage a bit.


Wow, this has gotten pretty damn long. I'll save the piece on the searches that find my page and the concept of linking for another day.

7 Feb 98

0 comments [ add ]

[ semi-permalink ]  

 

Postcard for You!

Click It! Send It!

Go Here: Kiss My Freckled Ass Goodbye!
Bad Boss? Impossible conditions? Fear and loathing from 9 to 5?

Read This: Count Zero
    William Gibson



previously:
Gwyneth Paltrow's Breasts
nextly:
fighting the important battles.

all original writing and graphics, unless otherwise noted,
Copyright © 1997-2017 Webstuff by SlappyJack. All Rights Reserved
Your Mom told you not to steal, so piss off.
slappyjack.com - Est. 1998
[ GeoURL | Legal ]
[ Bullshit RSS | FanList | SpamList ]
Modwest, brave host of Slappyjack.com Modwest, brave host of Slappyjack.com