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payin' and prayin'


Guys, I love the fact that you all care enough about me to send christman wishes, but PLEASE stop with the 2Meg crtistmas greetings. I know they're cute, but most of you are sending from work, where it's no big deal to upload the stuff, but I'm getting them on a modem, and it takes way too fucking long to download a cute animation of Frosty.

I just go in and delete the things nowadays, so please, knock it off.

I don't realy have a big topic this time, but I'm getting bitched at a lot by various folks about how I never update so heres your bone to gnaw on, Kiddies.

Slappo News - almost up to date crap about my life

No, this isn't turning into a daily journal.
I'll keave that to those who do them well
and teenage girls.

I got laid off/fired/whatever from my last job. (They're not on the resume, and I don't know if I'm gonna put them there. We'll see.) I left there friday at noon.

but   listen   to   this

I was in a pissy mood all weekend and generally being a big whiny baby, I sit down to start lookin for a new gig when I get a call from a company I send an email to friday afternoon.

one Interview Monday afternoon....

one job offer Tuesday...

Total Time of unemployment angst: 18 business hours.

I realize I've already told most of you about this, but I like sayin' it, so bite me.

Now I know that's not a really big deal in general, everyone gets lucky, but as I was walking home...

[rephrase that - I was walking to Charlie Brown's to tell Carol the surrogate Mom how the interview went (she told me to come in afterwards, and one thing you do not do is disagree with Carol)]
So I was walking to CB's when I remembered laying awake the night before and at 2 AM I was flipping channels and came across The Robert Tilton Ministries since I LOVE watching that weasel and getting myself all worked up into a fury of hatred for him, I stopped flipping the channel.

Robert hasn't aged too well in the past few months since I've watched him, hes gotten more than a little paunchy, and hedoesnt have the same kinda slick groove he used to have. Now he just comes out and says, "Do YOUUUUU want the LAWRD to come into your life? You need GAWD to reach down and help you? Send in your FIVE THOUSAND DOLLAR covenant today!"

My freakin jaw dropped straight to the floor.

Now, it used to be no question that you were supposed to send this guy money, but he was smarmy and slick enough to say it withough just saying "GIVE ME YOUR MONEY, YOU JESUS-FREAK KOOKS!"

He must either no longer care, or have balls the size of Rhode Island.

you now have 5 seconds to make a mental picture...

So I was laying there enjoying the rage towards this guy building slowly, fantasizing that I had to power to make his pop on camera through sheer force of will, when he started making up things about "the people he can feel need the LAWRDS help". I know hes a scheister, and a cheat, and a big crook, but when he said, "Theres someone out there that just lost their job. Don't worry, GAWD has plans for you and you'll get another job tomorrow, just send in your Thousand Dollar Covenant..."

I had to turn the damn channel.

Back to walking home...

I walked past DPS 1, and all the little bastards were walking home, some little shit called me "the fool with the green hair" - I refrained from killing him. About 2 blocks further I remembered seeing that on TV last night and it cave me a little goofy chill.

Screw it. I still ain't giving Robert Tilton any of my money. He obviously isn't starving, or driving the Deathmobile.

Other things are pissing me off, I may do full-on rants about them eventually, but I haven't been writing al that much as of late. Here's one for you.

Commercials - Now I KNOW they're all trite little things that are supposed to joyfully separate me from my money, but fir christ's sake, at least have a little pride in your work. Leave the heartstrings alone and tell me something, or at least be entertaining.

Good Commercials:

Lycos - The marketing guys, usually evil and pandering by definition, really hit the metaphor of a searchengine right on the head. You get an idea of what they're about, the dog is cute, and there's no asshole in the background screaming "CYBER CYBER CYBER!"
Any Commercial for Video Games - Some nifty high-tech opening, a few screenshots, cute semi-inventive closing. Tells me what I want to know. I even like the Tomb Raider ones, even though I hate the fact thay're playing on the boner factor of 14 year-old boys.
Bad Commercials
Gart Sports - I don't like this one because there's one part that doesn't make a damn bit of sense. They're a local chain, so I should cut them a little slack, but this is just stupid. The main part of the ad is selling overpriced sports jackets that little punks can kill each other over, and one scene in it is a guy and a little kid wearing their Rockies jackets and theres little snowflakes all around and the guy is showing the kid how to throw a slider! IN DECEMBER! IN THE FRIGIGN FREEZING COLD! Assholes.
Hallmark - This is the ULTIMATE weasely 90's asshole ad. Little kid and his mom are walking along talking about christmas and "how does Santa know to come to our house and Dad's, too". Ok, we got it. They're divorced. Very 90's. Very Hip.

THEN for the morons who don't get it, they have to show us the incredibly uncomfortable scene of the little boy and his parents in Dads foyer and the kid is asking "why doesn't Mommy stay with us tonight?" "well, mommy and I... uh...".

Then cute little boy gives Dad an incredibly touching card about what a great Dad he is, but WAIT! No 5 year old could choose that poigniant a card! MOM PICKED IT! ...and Dad gets a little smile on his face, and invites Mom over a little early for coffe when she comes to pick up cute-little-boy.

Thanks Hallmark. Thanks for putting such an awful shitty thing on our minds this christmas. Thanks for reminding me why scads of people I know are fearful to death of getting married. Thanks for reminding me that my family is a freak of nature because my parents and grandparents and none of my friend's (when I was a kid) parents were divorced.

Your touching flaming bag of shit commercial just went to nudge marriage one more step back towards being a temporary thing of convenience.

Thanks for nothing, Fuckheads.

Slap out.

10 Dec 98

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