Goddamnit, I'd piss on a spark plug if I thought it'd do any good!
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so. bad.

consume evil, for a dollar. Twenty-Eight Years Ago, In a theatre far, far away; a young man went and had his seven year old mind blown by what was quite possibly the greatest thing he had ever seen in his young life. It was better than anything he could have ever wanted to see. He and his friends then proceeded to see it repeatedly.

That child is now dead.

Last night I saw that new Star Wars movie. The one with all the young actors and lots of special effects and stuff.

As a friend of mine said. "The movie was good so long as you didn't want any acting, direction, or decent dialogue."

I mean, really. Yoda was the best character in the film, and he was played by a cartoon.

Padme was basically a self-moving prop. Natalie Portman was supposedly nine months pregnant? Where were her "pregnant titties"? She didnt move like a pregnant woman, either.

Hayden Christiansen: He was really really good when he was almost dead there.

Ewan MacGregor: Holding your face is NOT acting.

Anakin and Padme didnt look or act like a married couple.

Great special effects. I liked the little swarmer robots in the beginning scene. I also liked the clone army stuff. Obi-Wan riding that giant parrot-headed lizard thing like a cowboy? Uh - cool, but stupid.

A guy on slashdot brought up the worst word in the film, and he was entirely correct: Younglings? Is this space opera here or did we just jump into the fourth Lord of the Rings movie? George, we swallowed most of the terms you've made up over the past 28 years of my life. Padwan is part of the common lexicon nowadays, and Darth Vader is about a known as Santa. But younglings?

George Lucas, you sold my childhood for a buck.



Slap out

25 May 05

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