as if you gave a fuck
My Asshole Friends
As I've mentioned before I have this group of friends that I've known since I was about 11 years old. You know the ones, I refer to them in here as "my asshole friends" - no one else I've known so far can live up to that level quite yet - though in The Big Room they're simply known as "the guys".
It's a good thing in a way, knowing someone that long and not having them as family - these are people you CHOOSE to keep in contact with, even though I'm sure if we were to meet today for the first time we'd probably think the others were just a big bunch of jerks.
Being that we've known each other for so long, pretty much all politenss and decorum has been chucked right out the window. Take the pic to the right... that's how one of the guys used to draw me in high school.
So, when I put this page up, the address eventualy got around to them and they would come by and read it, and try to figgure out what the hell I was trying to say, and then usually email me to tell me how bad it sucks in this way or that. They do, however, keep coming back (except boo, because he's a snot who won't look at it because I asked him to once. Grudgemeister.)
I put a guestbook on this thing a few months ago (coded it my little own self - I do so love reinventing the wheel so its crappier and less functional), and then made a big stink about you, oh gentile reader, signing it. This was seen as an open invitation to throw the Guys-patented "stupid switch".
At first I just edited them out and put kind little note below the entry form to cut it out, which was seen as an open invite to see if they could put a bunch of stupid crap in there and I would miss one.
So here thay are, the guys responsible for filing my address book with obscure refrences and stuff that nobody would understand, along with their dumbass comments.
I understand that you have a bald spot that is rapidly encroaching on the remainder of your noggin's real estate. Christ, man!! Think about the lice!! They've learned to combat the slickness, but for this there may be no defense!! Oh, woe for the lil' licee's...WOAAAAAA!!!!!!!
your estranged boyfriend Manny
[ Amazingly enough, this guy actually went to PRINCETON,
can you freaking believe that? I still find it hard to... ]
I'm going to[ Even more amazing, the author of that has a masters in poetry, too.
I think it shows, don't you? ]
Do you know of any webpages where I can pay six dollars an hour to see a woman strip in real time?
Errrrrrr....hissssss....crave....human....FLESH!!...ssssssss ....mmmeow!...must....be.....outdoors!!!....arowwwwllll!!! .....'Bert...shall...be...first...to.....ssssssssss.......DIE!!!!!!!
You censoring me?[ Now, for those of you that still use AOL and think this all is real - This isn't Yasser Arafat. I know Yasser Arafat, I've had dinner with Yasser Arafat, and Stebe - you ain't no Yasser Arafat. ]
[ XXXXXXX ], After recently looking over your site, it is my recommendation that we increase our sessions to a daily basis, rather than the every-other-day schedule we adopted last month. Understand that this is not a request, but a state social-services mandated order. It is also my opinion that we triple your current dosage of Thorazine- please see my secretary for your updated prescription. We'll get well together, Anthony- you have my word.
[ Now this guy, well, he's just a bigass freak. He used to walk around saying, things like "Schnork Korkle Porky." ]
your psychiatrist again
Umm- I meant Slappy, not [ XXXXXXX ]. Sorry. I'm very busy here. [ XXXXXXX ] must have been my LAST patient. Actually, I have absolutely no idea who [ XXXXXXX ] is.[ He also likes to think I'm some kinda pimp daddy or something. ]
[ UPDATE 1 Nov 98 - Or course, being that my friends are gigantic assholes and won't leave this alone, Bald-Boy felt he needed to add more retardedness to the guestbook. ]
Your using my image without my goddam permission, and as a result I'm going to cause you to bleed publicly onto a snowball.
I am the alien head
I am the alien head.
This web site is infested with kobolds. There is a five-hit-dice green slime lurking on the ceiling.[ We used to play D&D as kids - While I see nothing wrong with it, the dork-boys seem to think it's funny to call it un-cool. Which of course it is, when you feel you must refer to it all the time. (There's no head here because I'm not sure which one of them did it) ]
Your mail link doesn't work.[ Again with the D&D crap. You think they'd get their little teeny brains over this.... this IS from someone in the UK, as far as I can tell, because the email this sends me says it was sent at GMT + 0. Hunh. Apparently I know assholes all over the world... its not blantly obvious who this is to me, and I'd be surprised if they were smart enough to change their system clocks.
My links WERE screwed up as far as my email went, however. That's fixed, not that anyone fucking uses them. ]
webspiders don't get their addresses.
Fucking Asshole Spammers.
If you happen to BE a Spammer-Asshole, I hope you:
"choke on your own cum and die!"
as my buddy Eddie used to say. He was a prince.)
Yep, those are my buds. Maybe now you have a little more insight into why I'm just one big permamently irritated goofball.
Inane and purile as they are, you just gotta love 'em.
31 Oct 98
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