SlappyJack.com
as if either of us gave a shit.
[ bio ]
[ rants ]
[ media ]
[ buy crap ]
[ postcards ]
[ login ]
[ bad photography ]
[ kiss my ass ]
[ sidebar ]
[ other ]
[ email ]

 
Suburbia.

Went to get to get smokes and computer paper.

Went to the closest place(s). Drove 12 miles, roundtrip.

Yes, I'm checking these things.

The nearest place to purchase ANYTHING: 3.8 miles roundtrip.
Nice walk if you don't mind carrying 90-98 degree heat.
Which I do. Very Much.
Stuck in traffic. Typical.

I'm stuck behind a large vehicle.

As per usual I cannot see around it, and am forced to stare at it's backside.

You know those stickers? The ones with the poor ripoff Calvin peeing on a Ford Logo?
[ Anyone who buys this inane shit deserves to have their gonads irradiated. -ed ]
[ Anyone who buys shit from a site this fucking bad deserves to have their gonads irradiated. -ed ]

Or sometimes it's a Chevy logo.
[ Anyone who engages in the Ford/Chevy debate on any level at all deserves to have their gonads irradiated. -ed ]

or whatever.

This had one of those on the rear (pitch-black-tinted) window:

  1. Calvin-ripoff character.

  2. kneeling supplicant.

  3. in front of cross.

  4. praying.

  5. i shit you not.
    [ search the general hatred of this trend on google. I've set it up for you. ]

Of course this thing had a decorative license plate frame:

  1. Plain Black PLactic.

  2. White Jesus Fish with IXPOE or whatever the hell is is in it

  3. Text across the bottom: I'D RATHER BE IN CHURCH

The best part of this all:

  1. The vehicle is pristinely clean in a way that projects the statement:
        "I have never been, nor will my owner ever get me, dirty."

  2. The vehicle is, with the exception of the black-tinted-windows, all white.

  3. The vehicle is an H2 HUMMER.

    [ Fun Fact: The H2 HUMMER is actually not a Humvee in the slightest. The ride was horrible in the actual Humvees
    (because, well, it's designed to carry and be shot at by various weapons systems)
    and you had to actually maintain them, so the H2 is basically just a big ugly shaped box on a Suburban frame.]

please.

someone.

kill me.

please.

29 Sep 03  

 

The only good thing to come out of writing this, other than the release of anger that has now cost me a keyboard, is that in doing some research [YES, I do research these things a little - asshole] I found this little gem:
I Am Jack's Younger Self

0 comments [ add ]

[ semi-permalink ]  

 

Postcard for You!

Click It! Send It!

Go Here: My New Filing Technique is Unstoppable
Even more unstoppable than my New Fighting Technique.
For those not in the know, this is the "Get Your War On" guy.

Hear This: Honey I'm Homely
    Dance Hall Crashers



previously:
joblessness, quatre.
nextly:
Sad. Sadder. Saddest.

all original writing and graphics, unless otherwise noted,
Copyright © 1997-2017 Webstuff by SlappyJack. All Rights Reserved
Your Mom told you not to steal, so piss off.
slappyjack.com - Est. 1998
[ GeoURL | Legal ]
[ Bullshit RSS | FanList | SpamList ]
Modwest, brave host of Slappyjack.com Modwest, brave host of Slappyjack.com