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please let this shit JUST BE OVER.

Unless you've had the good fortune to be jammed in a cave in northwest Afghanistan for the past month, you're most likely aware of that non-show infomercial product placement looking for content fluff-tastic grabastic piece of amphibian shit known as American Idol.

Thank you Great Britian, for giving us this steaming pile of marketing-yet-another-pre-adult-"performer"-before-they-even-get-a-contract dogshit. Apparently the ass-kickings we give you wear off after less that two huundred years.

Time to lock-n-load, boys.

Of course, the music industry is obviously starving for new talent and needs shows like this because all of that record-pressing equipment is just sitting there doing nothing.

AND OF COURSE, becuase my wife is a complete no-taste-havin' slut to the media machine, I've gotten to sit in my own house and be forced to hear that tripe steal nerve impulsess behind my tympanic membrane that was busy trying to take in the lovely sounds of beauitfully rendered 3 dimensional Members of the Orcish Horde getting slaughtered by my Night Elves.

Anyhow, tonight is the big night, and I'm sitting here watching the wife and RICH (who I mistakenly thought was A MAN) drool all over themselves watching this fucking finale (thursday will mark the end of the show, but the beginning of the fucking Juggernaut of Marketing Bullshit pushing the album THAT IS NOT EVEN PRODUCED YET down our throats.)

So I watched a little of it and have the following to say.

Kelly: If you win this thing (and even if you don't, 'cause they're gonna milk every teat this cash cow has), the second they get a hold of you they're gonna stuff your ass into a gym until you get rid o' them sausage arms you got jiggling around.

Justin: I know Luther Vandross, I've heard Luther Vandross, You are far too skinny, gay, and have too much bad hair to be Luther Vandross.

You could, however, possibly butch it up a bit and do a pretty performance as Hedwig.

Twelve year old girls, ladies and gentlemen. They are apparently the new decider of our collective popular-culture fate. Unfortunately, unlike their counterparts in Japan, they don't know shit about adopting new technology.

Slap out

3 Sep 02

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