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The International Male.

WARNING: All of the links in here pop out to a separate window. I suggest you just leave it up and resize it to fit the images... It's well worth it.

When one lives in apartment anywhere, chances are that one of more of the former tenants never sent forwarding addresses to all of the people that get crap from. When one lives in San Francisco, chances are that at one point or another your current residence was once occupied by a gay man.

In our case, both of these are true, and we are now the lucky recipients of the bi-monthly mailing of International Male.

If you're not familiar with this fine piece of literature, you can go look at their site and pretty much pick up on it.

Clothes + Men + "loungewear" + More Men + Rattan Sandals + More Swarthy MuscleMen = Big Gay Clothing Catalog

"...not that theres anything wrong with that..."

the coming of each new magazine was actually a time to celebrate, because it would invariably lead to a session of sitting down with my Bizzaro Self and listening to him squeal with glee at variuos items and yell "That's so tacky-awful! I must have it!"

Which leads to The Sock Incident

See, IM, produces a ... uh ... thing thats kinda like a jockstrap, but without the leg straps.

Yeah. This is the side view of The Sock's Design. In other words, it's nothing more than a thick elastic band with a pouch to snugly fit around your ... uh ... "Fruit Bowl".

Bizzaro Slap bought a 3-pack of these on the condition that I was to get one of them and torment the wife by wearing it, which I did.


She actually refuses to speak of it to this day. I myself don't think I look at all bad wearing the sock.

(again, these are all opening into the other window I suggested you leave open)

This weekend the new IM showed up. That seemed to have taken a new bent on the way they present products. I'm thinking they're trying to get the straight man to start buying things by putting women in some of the photos. Apparently you're supposed to think this is the model's girlfriend or something.

This, however, is going to go horribly horribly wrong.

For example, check out the picture for the Hollywood Sparkling Mock & Hollywood Sparkling Inset Pant. (They sell the woman's dress, too.) This is the only pic in the entire catalog that I could find where teh guy is actually holding the oman's hand, and one of like three where the woman isn't way in the background and really out of focus.

I do predict that Tom Cruise will be wearing this at the next Oscar ceremony.

The thing is, almost nothing in this catalog is something your average, or even slightly light in the loafers, straight man would buy.

Take a look at the Gladiator Collection, which consists of The Gladiator Tank (Armor Class 6), a Gladiator sandal, and of course - lets not forget the Gladiator Brief.

For the more sensitive men, possibly you should wear the shirt they made fun of for an entire episode of Seinfeld

Or if you're feeling like steppin' out you can pair up the Titanium Jean with the Cracked Foil Knit Shirt. I actually saw a whole lot of these outfits at the last Sharks game. Really.

there realy isnt much to say about the whole thing, but I can't forget to mention that they're not only selling actual military surplus flight suits (apparently modeled by Mark Wahlberg), but they also got the lead singer from Creed to model for them.

Remember to Support AmericaTM by filling your wardrobe with such fine fare...

G.W. is, I can feel it.

Don't forget to bake a cake and stick ten candles in it. The first website went live ten years ago today.

Happy Birthday Web. I'm sorry you didn't even get to grow up before before you became a corporate whore.

Slap Out

4 Dec 01

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