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Harry Potter??? Isn't that a gay bar?

Harry Potter? I think there's a Bear Bar in the Castro by that name...

No, wait, thats Hairy Putter's. Sorry. My brain is a little mushy as of late.

If I see one more "special" anything on supposed news programs that are supposedly being produced to prepare me for the world of Harry Potter, I'm just gonna put a metal spike through my head.

Do we really NEED preparation on a film before we see it? Not if the film is doing its job, which is to tell us something. I'm not saying it has to be telling us anything important - The Matrix only told us: "Look! In this world everyone is really living a big dream to power special fusion reactors for their machine captors. Now were gong to blow a lot of shit up in ultra-slo-motion while people rebel against the machines!" And that was jst fine by me.

This is just another example of that all-pervasive slimy bastard known as marketing. The Beast has managed to use the leverage that if you DON'T love a kids movie you're a terrible awful troll and co-opt it into turning the news into just another fucking infomercial for a movie.

Sure, the people in San Francisco may have voted down the proposals to work towards solar power, but I missed that part of the news while I was blowing my nose because instead of doing a story on that the station decided it was more important to make room for the 6 minute segment on education parents about the mystical world of Harry Potter so they weren't totally lost when their kids brains finally cave in to the marketing deluge and start babbling like orphaned little english kids.

Hey, howabout you guys down at KRON 4 take a second to recommend that the parents read the fucking book and tell me something abuot the real world I live in.

Example. This text is RIGHT NOW in the PRIME REAL ESTATE (top-left corner of the content section) on the KRON webpage

Coming Up on KRON 4 News
Mudbloods, Truebloods and Muggles. If you don't know what they are, don't worry! KRON 4 News will show you everything you need to know before seeing Harry Potter! Friday at 6pm on KRON 4 News.

My fellow thirty-plus-year olds... Remember when we were kids? Remember that? All that shit that we were so interested in? Remember how adults didn't give a fuck about that because of things like we had NO GAS? Remember the worry that the Soviet Union had so many ballistic missiles that one was probably pointed directly at your house?

Rememebr when shit that was on the news was NEWS, and being that we were seven we found it boring as hell and went outside to sneak swims in our neighbor's pools?

Yeah I remember that, too.

We're roughly adults now, and I think I speak for us all:

To the Newscasters:
Give us something engaging and that has weight to it. We already make enough fun of people that aspire to be "Television Journalists" in college, why don't y'all give them something honorable to aspire to?

Just because You all didn't get to sit in a muddy trench like Rather and Cronkite soesnt mean you should just shovel shit at us. We know you're all scared shitless of the web, but thats not an exceuse to turn into fucking Entertainment Tonight.

I hope this movie does well, I really do. We need more films for kids that aren't stupid gush or commercials for existing products (I do hope, however, that the impending toy crossover falls on its ass). I hope that this film turns kids on so much that with their lack of patience they go and actuallty read the other six stories.

Speaking of the books... Am I the only one to notice that this whole phenomenon got huge because a few years ago the right wing christian bloc got all bent out of shape over its content and made a stink abuot it on the news?

Yeah, i thought so.

In other news, I just heard that some moron in Atlants managed to shut the ENTIRE AIRPORT down in Atlanta, as well as STOP ALL AIR TRAFFIC IN THE FUCKING COUNTRY by running through the security gate and evading capture by the security. This has been going on for an hour now.

So much for National Guard training, eh? I hope they kill this guy.


Slap Out

16 Nov 01

ADDENDUM - 19 Nov 01

So Harry Potter caused long lines, and all the shows on television for retards... I mean, "entertainment television shows" are all WOW, AMAZINGLY ENOUGH, HARRY POTTER BUSTS ALL HOLLYWOOD RECORDS!!!! GEE!!! WE'RE SPOOGING ALL OVER OURSELVES WITH EXCITEMENT!!! AND AMAZINFGLY ENOUGH, THE MOVIE WAS VIRTUALLY UNHYPED!!!

Yeah, my ass. Look, This movie opened on over SEVEN THOUSAND SCREENS simultaneously, with extra showings and multiple screens per theatre. From what I understand, the AMC 1000 on Van Ness gave up 4 of it's 12 screens for this one movie.

When you multiply this by the fact that a child's ticket today is easily 150% the cost of the standard adult ticket from the era of JAWS, Star Wars, Raiders..., and E.T., it is no surprise that this made more money that anything else in one weekend. If all you had the option of eating was a big lump of lard on a peice of moldy bread for $10 a pop for an entire weekend that would probably set a "Most Successful Meal Ever" record itself.

Not that that would mean anything.

Hmm. Back to the fact that most things these days happen to be devoid of any real meaning.

see a trend here?

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