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That's just my style
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Fuck your corporation.

Not to make light of the terrible attack that we all know about and have had the media shoving more non-information down our throats abbot (when they aren't telling us how brave they are for being on the air even though some retard is sending them nasty diseases in the mail), but this shit has got to stop.

Big Bob (my grandfather) and his buddies did not have german bullets chasing his ass across Western Europe so governments and corporations could hire people to market the goddamn country to its own people.

Yes, I'm aware that business took a hit on Sep. 11th. I'm aware that people aren't flying as much as they have been. I'm aware that people are afraid.

Has anyone bothered to think about the root of these fears?

The actual attack is no longer it. Headlines of:

MORE TERRORISTS ATTACKS MAY HAPPEN SOMETIME IN THE HEAR FUTURE.
POSSIBLY EVEN HERE

or

HOW TO DETECT ANTHRAX WHEN THEY SEND TO YOU!

or

BIN LADEN STILL NOT CAUGHT.
WE THINK HE MAY REALLY HATE
[ insert name of town here ]

GAS MASK SUPPLIES HAVE GONE DRY

...just may have something to do with it. I don't know. I just a big dumb guy who's biggest concern is how soon will baseball end so hockey is on the big networks again.

Guys, please. Let up on it. Things are shitty, we know that. There are kooks out there doing stupid things. Big fucking surprise. Tell me something new.

That you've confirmed. That is solid information. That is of value.

News stories that are This terrible thing may possibly happen to you and this is all the stuff you can but probably aren't able to remember or capable of doing are, truth be told, not really news.

They are speculation designed to scare people into watching, and since we've all smartened and realized hackers probably won't be breaking into our computers to make illegal copies of pictures of Granny's 75th birthday, the newsies needed to find something bigger and scarier.

Yes, thats right. There are a bunch of guys out there handling deadly-ass bio agents and they're gonna use them to kill you, so the infrastructure of GAP sweater-folding will careen into chaos. They're gonna choose you out of 300 million other families in the country.

(Of course the one person that I do hope gets sent a few bio agents is the woman I heard on NPR who said, "I'm not afraid of anything happening to me. My house is full of angels. I have them everywhere." If you're reading this, bio-agent guys, please send her a nice fat dose of "clue spores", or at least slip some ex-lax in her coffee or something.)

Bottom line, guys: Stop it. Get the kooks and speculation off my news programs, please.


Which brings me to the commercials on TV.

Some of them, actually - very few of them, are really nice. The "Be like Buddy Lee" commercial where he's got a little blood donation patch? Thats a good one.

A week's worth of the airlines letting us know they're still open, thats acceptable.

But crap like this (it's a link there, in case you can't see it) is completely unacceptable. So are the airlines STILL showing ads about how they're STILL flying around the country.

We get it, guys. We're not totally stupid. We know that we aren't living in London in 1943 and things are open and its just safe to walk on down today as it was in August. Please stop.

ALSO, THESE COMMERCIALS WILL NOT MAKE ME THINK YOU ALL DESERVE GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIZING BECAUSE YOU ARE HAVING A BAD BUSINESS STREAK.

Hey, my Dad lost a grip of business a couple years ago because someone bought one of his major clients and moved it to Europe, and I don't remember congressional hearings to help him out.

You're a BUSINESS, remember? You're the guys that gouge the fuck out of prices so your CEO can cover his house in Bali with just his Christmas Bonus. You're the guys that want the government to leave you the fuck alone, remember? You're they guys that didn't give a fuck when I missed my flight because I was throwing up all over the place, remember that?!?!?!?!?

And lets not forget the TV networks, who had the audacity to whine about lost ad revenue and make a suggestion that THEY might need a little subsidy? (Yeah, MY ASS it was "just a joke")

Fuck you. If you weren't so damn busy showing us all the same shit with picture-in-picture-in-picture-with-top-and-bottom-tickers maybe you could have shown me my reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond on time. God forbid ol' Wolf Blitzer gets the drop on you for the story "We've moved more rubble"

I don't seem to remember tri-hourly updates in 1989 titled

SAN FRANCISCO: IT STILL ALL FELL OVER

And everybody moved on just fine.

Crass and Callous? Maybe.

Gettin' back to normal? I already have.

How about you, sparky?

Slap Out

26 Oct 01

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