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You are not a unique and beautiful snowflake.
SlappyJack
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i. am. old.

Yes, I am 32 years old today.

Of course, last weekend, I went to buy cigarettes and the 20 year old counter girl looked me right in the eye and said, "You're eighteen, right?"

I said "uh... what?"

"You are over eighteen, right?"

"Yes, yes, I am well over eighteen"

then I hear the litlte gay man behing me pipe up with, "Honey, you never balk when they ask you if you're only eighteen!"

Yeah. Thats my life. Not too shabby, all told.

Happy Birthday TO ME.

In other news, The Fanlist caught a couple of email sniffers. If you didn't know, that thing is nothing but a shitload of junk to bonk spammers.

Slap Out

(This page will be added to all day long as b-day stupidity happens, so check back...)

28 Aug 01

the continual, necessary, addendum...

11:35 am

And so as per usual, the emails start to roll in wishing happy birthday to me and saying things like:

have you figured out what you want to be when you grow up yet?

Answer: I'm still leaning towards "Third World Despot", but I'd settle for Mayor, which in San Francisco is roughly the same thing...

12:42 pm

I've also just been told I had better fucking well figure out a gift for Miss S. to purchase for me, so I had to mail her the link to the game i want.

Being that she works for a large tightassed investment firm that rhymes with "Cheryl Pinch", every email she sends me from there comes with the obligatory silly lawyerese disclaimer automatically attached at the bottom.

SO this time I gave her one from me:


                   - - - - - CAUTION!!!! - - - - - 
Electronic mail sent through the Internet is not secure and could
be intercepted by a third party. These evil people know more about
electronics, computers, and electromagnetic fields/radio waves than you
can imagine.  Nothing on the internet is 100% secure, but then again,
noting printed in any way on paper is 100% secure, either.  Even modern
cryptography isn't really secure, because in less than 5 years there
will be computers with the muscle to break current 4096 bit keys while
you're eating your hot pocket for lunch.  Eventually, more bandwidth
will be eaten up with crypto keys and handshakes that the actual data it
is meant to protect.

For your protection, you shold never trade information with anyone via
any method other than direct vioice conversation.  In a soundproofed
room. With no windows. Or electric light sources. Two miles underground.
Make sure they do not write anything down on anything but their own
skin, because paper can be found and reconstructed, and make sure you
trust them enough to know that once they use said data they will scrub
that skin off completely and burn the cells that were exfoliated.

Further, do not send time-sensitive, action-oriented messages, because
I'm probably playing video games or searching out pornography via peer
to peer networks and will only read the message when I'm goddamn good
and ready to.

Replying to your message will be done only when and if I feel like it.

1:02 pm

The fuckers at the office gave me a cake, complete with penis candles...

The cake said:

<Blink>
Happy Birthday!
</Blink>

Apparently, explaining blink tags to the Illegals at the cake shop was quite the experience.

3:12 pm

Buggie sed...


happy birthday tony baloney!!!

you are sexxxa!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

bugg

3:12 pm

From Hutt (the asshole wearing the birthday hat, above, and the big fat monstrousity wearing the birthday hat, top):


I am honored that you continue to allow me to grace your site, especially on 
this most joyous of occassions.

Happy F'n Birthday, and if you think that you're old, consider that I'm a 
full 6 WEEKS older than you, and I in fact got CARDED in May when I went to 
get some fricking chewing tobacco.

I AM HUTT !!!

Happy B-Day

1:13 am, 29 Aug 01


[ This picture, by the way, makes for a GREAT desktop. ]

14:31 pm, 30 Aug 01

ES sed:

There's some solace you can take in getting older. Fer instance: now that I'm older, I don't feel bad or immature about going to Toy R Us to buy video games, GI Joe or Justice League action figures.

This is so much better than any dorky old Birthday Week...
(how the hell you doin', sissie?)

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