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Chasing the ever-elusive "man-woman"

So the other day I'm talking with CFNO about life and whatnot and of course we wind up talking about women (because when you konw a guy for 20+ years, that's what conversations always wind up about if one of you are single) and he brings up how all hes looking for is a woman like this one he knows..

"So what sets this skirt apart?" I foolishly ask.

"She doesn't get all girlie-emotional and deviod of logic on me when we're talking abot stuff."

I proceed to give him the following warning, which I pass on to all you single men that seem to hang onto the belief that this mythical female exists:

Now, I love my wife to death; and when I first met her, I too believed that she may indeed be one of them non-girly non-emotional females that you hear about.

However, these creatures simply do not exist. For example, the other day I got this email:

Subject: as the topper to my day

i just got the worst haircut ever.  which i should have expected given all i
can afford is supercuts.

i will say it again. we cannot continue to live like this. one of us needs
another job or a second job. i am never paying $14 for a haircut again. i
think this is just further evidence that i should go and find a
non-mypleasure job with an actual paycheck.

i'm *so* unhappy.

The backside to this is that instead of returning to work after sending this email, the love of my life proceeded to sit there and emotionally obsess about how bad her haircut now was (it isn't) and how no non-ethnic girl can carry off a haircut like this (which she seems to do just fine.)

Eighteen hours later, which had given her body time to eat up all those female hormones, the haircut does not look so awful and she can how laugh about the whole episode (which was earlier met with NO, IT IS NOT FUNNY!).

See, guys, they all do this. Some of them may try not to, but that doesn't always work. On a long enough timeline, all men in a het couple will experience this. (Which makes me wonder: just how in the hell do lesbian couples not have an extremely high murder rate?)

Lesson: The "man-woman" does not exist. This is a function of biology.

Last night, after the bad-haircut episode was over, the Wife and I were talking and she asked me, "Do you love me less when i get all emotional likie that?"

To which the only reply can be, "Of course not, sweetie. If you didn't get all emotional like that every so often, you would have testicles."

"But if I had testicles, would you still love me?"

"Yes, dear, but not quite in the same way as I do now."

Yeah, see, we have a wedding to go to this weekend. It beings out all the romance in our relationship.

Slap Out

9 Aug 01

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