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Spammin' Suit-ass Non-tech

I come home from the office today to find this little gem in my inbox:


I visited and I noticed that you are not listed on some search engines. I am sure you can increase the number of people who visit . Do you know TrafficMagnet? TrafficMagnet is a unique technology that automatically submits your web site to over 300,000+ search engines and directories every month. This is a very low-cost and effective way of advertising your site.

To check our prices and submit to 300,000+ search engines, go to

I would love to hear from you.

Best Regards,
Christine Hall
Sales & Marketing

the bst thing about that big bandwidth sucking graphic at the bottom is that it was actually about 30 litlte graphics all jammed fucked-uppedly into a frameset.

and the little people on the right hand side? That was animated, as if they were being magnetically drawn to against their own will. Flying through the internet unknowingly to meet their doom.

All of the images were links were to a script on their site that probably tracked that I exist and so on and so forth. All the links in the site that I turned off did the same thing.

of course... I retort.

    Subject:  Re: WWW.SLAPPYJACK.COM
       Date: Wed, 04 Apr 2001 20:37:25 -0700
       From: SlappyJack <>


I am almost positive you did NOT personally visit

What is the site about?  What did you read there?

That's what I thought.

Take your make-a-buck-off-the-internet business plan that was built by
people that dont konw a goddamn thing about websites, now they work, or
what drives traffic, and shove it up your ass.




So i went to look up these assholes' WHOIS info and i see that they dont even have a proper email address for their contact. is supposedly the head dude. I sent him a copy of the email. If you got a second why dont you tell him what an asshole he is - wait. you can't.

It just bouced.


Or smurf his network.

Or whatever.

Open season, kiddies.

Slap Out

4 Apr 01

ADDENDUM! - 9 Aug 03

Today I get this email from Ed Kohler, whos company actually does what Traffic Magnet claims to. I used to think this kinda of work was just rediculous suit bullshit until I saw it done properly.

Anyway, a while ago, Ed wrote "Who is Sarah Williams of TrafficMagnet?", which has all sorts of links to info about WHAT GIANT ASSHOLES THESE FUCKERS REALLY ARE.

I tell you, every day there seeme to be less and less reason for accepting anything from outside the country. really.

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