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Oscars Schmoscars.

I really didn't give a whole fat care about the Oscars (those of you that do can go on over to E! onlines celebrty worship spoogefest) but since I was forced to watch it at a party I happened to be getting drunk at...

Thoughts on this years oscars:

  1. Once again, they proved to be mostly nothing more than 3 hours of Hollywood jerking off all over themselves abuot how great it is to be a celebrity with the coolass non-job of making movies.

  2. Except for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, of course. They included the foreigners again because that Italian guy went over so big last year and it makes them look like they really care about the little guy.

  3. Julia Roberts is hard to hate, even if she did say shit about "now being part of the sisterhood" of best actresses. I'll let you in on a little something Julia - You ain't no Merryl Streep. Not yet at least.

  4. Julia Roberts is NOT hard to hate when you are reminded that she divorced Lyle Lovett by not seeing him sitting next to her

  5. I hate myself for giving a good goddamn about Lyle's pesonal life.

  6. Steve Martin was at the top of his game. I actually paid attention to him.

  7. Bjork - you're getting a little to thick in the thigh to be playing that ice pixie persona, but we still loved the song, baby. (note of snobbery - I was one of the 247 people in America that actually went to see Dancer in the Dark.)

  8. To Mr. Russel Crow: Dude, that oscar you just got was for The Insider. You know, one of the GOOD films you made. Pull the stick out of your ass. If you don't like awards shows, don't attend.

  9. A big Fuck You goes to the Orchestra for cutting off that Chineese guy during his speech.

  10. Ms. Lopez: Your rack was ok, but nothing special. Yet another area where you lack raw talent but have it made up for by a gigantic corporate marketing machine.

    See the magnificent piece written about this by Robert Berry!

  11. I'll give y'all the consession that Gladiator was by far the mose visually spectacular movie out there, but the story didn't hold a candle to Crouching Tiger.

  12. Hillary Swank? Baaaaaaabyyyyyyy! I like you so much better as a girl.

  13. I don't know what made me think this, but what happened to Minnie Driver?

  14. Musical numbers? Ok. Musical Numbers with dancers? Not OK.

    EVER.

    When will they learn this?

  15. Bob Dylan. oy. At the party, one woman said, "Have you seen his son? He's beautiful." She did know Bob, though, so i can't really mock her other than for being a girl.

  16. I wish I could find the documentary woman (Tracy Seretean) who slammed the Academy by thanking them for waching the tapes of her film [that were sent out after nominations] and kiss her full on the mouth.

  17. Goldie Hawn: Still as Goofy and Hot as ever. I love her, even if she is my mothers age.

Just keep in the back of your mind for the rest of the year:

We support this intire pseudo-royalty industry, every week, one $8 ticket at a time.
Be picky about what you go see.

Slap Out

26 Mar 01

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